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brushes picture backgound hostphotobucket !milo@blogskins(Joseph) basecodes
May 27, 2007
scream

little by little, i am losing myself.

this isn't me anymore. i used to be the bouncy, carefree and worry-free girl.

but now, every waking day never will i feel tension, frustration and disappointment. talking about being upset, well it's not just simply "upset"...it's major UPSET feeling, and it really affects me a lot. i guess it's eating me all up that's why i turned out to be the opposite of the real me.

you do this, you get negative feedbacks, you do that, still it's the same...either way it's the same. its impossible to please everybody. but the fact that i am trying so hard to do the right thing, still doesn't seem right.

bullshit.


it's 10:01 PM now

May 20, 2007
i heart her and her and her and ...

i heart her and her and her and . . .


cameron diaz's sweet funny smile.

jessica alba's sexy body and almost perfect skin tone

kate hudson: simply irresistible, america's golden girl

keira knightley's strong personality and exotic beauty.

she's got that angelina jolie power.


one of the favorite babes of hollywood, sandra bullock.

imageSources:
http://www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/cameron.jpg
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c33/ayandy/JessicaAlba.jpg http://www.sawf.org/newsphotos/hollywood/Kate_Hudson_splashnews.jpg http://starwars.ugo.com/images/galleries/starwars_keiraknightley_filmTv/starwars_keiraknightley_1.jpg http://www.tshirtwatch.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/07/angelina-jolie-sin-city-shi.jpg"http://msnbcmedia2.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/050324/050324_sandra_bullock_vmed12p.widec.jpg


it's 8:53 AM now

May 19, 2007
ass in the tub



think with your ass in the tub, it's the best! *hehe-winks*


you cannot blame me for thinking a lotta thoughts. but if you would open yourself up to me and let me in then probably you wouldn't feel like "walang kwenta" to me and i wouldn't feel like a person who knows nothing about you...right? somewhere we meet there at that point.

image source: http://camerondiaz.celebden.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/cameron_diaz_thinking_holiday.jpg



it's 11:33 PM now

May 18, 2007
random photos


saphira: what is she doing? do i have to move or what?


brights: senior hs's notebook of doodles and let outs


jb valencia: nice's dilemma back then, *giggles*


it's 7:50 AM now

May 16, 2007
two places at a time

could i be at least sliced into half?


it's 9:11 AM now

May 15, 2007
dreams

what could dreams possibly mean?

dreams as taken from the online dictionary (http://www.dictionary.com) is basically the images that form during sleep, it is also the succession of images, thoughts or emotions.

last night i had this dream, i think i was looking for a job when ate pia told me that we should go home for a moment and take a shower. after i got out of the shower, she told me that she can't come with me anymore, so i dressed up and started looking for work again. i decided to buy credits for my mobile and called paul, he was jolly and all, i can still recall the conversation we had:

mille: hello, may i speak with paul please?
his dad: ok just hold on.
mille: thank you.
paul: hello?
mille: hey it's me.
paul: hello!
mille: i miss you. how's it going there? how's my baby?
paul: ayun, hindi kilala sariling daddy.
mille: that's not true. where is she?
paul: (disappointed) playing with her yaya.
mile: meet you at five? ill pick her up.
paul: ok.
mille: ok bye. love you.

*hang-up*

it was 5pm and i was so exhausted then i saw paul, i just smiled. when my little girl came running, i reached to her and hugged her tight. all i remember was, i asked her, "where was mommy?" then she pointed somewhere wherein she was supposed to be pointing at me. then there was this little girl too, i don't know who she really was. ( my other daughter?) then the yaya came telling, "see the child barely knows her mother." i was kind of annoyed with the maid for speaking that way. then i let the two girls sit down and i was talking to both of them....until my visions of the dream started to fade away and i kept hearing my kitten crying for food from my brother (well i kind of had my eyes open already...) then poof, the dream ended.

dream#2

this was really a weird funny crazy one. i was in the dream, with randall and paul.

i was getting married to randall, but actually paul was my current boyfriend. then afterwards, i came to paul and hugged him tight telling him...

mille: don't worry it'll be only a couple of months till i get the papers done, and ill come back to you. i promise.
paul: you promise?
mille: yes. ok here. this cupcake sign yan na nagpromise ako (the hell was that cupcake for?) na bablikan kita. i just need to get that green card, trust me. nothing will change between us.
paul: okay. ill wait.

see how insane that dream was? what happened? why did i have to go through such? the next morning when i woke up, i told my mom about the dream and we started laughing so hard thinking how crazy it was.

they say that dreams are the extension of what you've been thinking the whole day. it is something you think of at the back of your mind subconsciously daw.


it's 10:51 AM now

May 14, 2007
my favorite lines

"just keep swimming, just keep swimming"
-dory, finding nemo

"Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend."
-arthur abbott, the holiday

"You cannot let him near the chest, man, trust me on this. You can mistrust me less than you can mistrust him. Trust me. "
-jack sparrow, pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest

"I found something that I truly love, that truly makes me happy. That's a million times better than something that makes you rich."
-chaz, honey

donna newman: will you still love me in the morning?
michael newman: forever and ever babe.

-click

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."
-william parish, meet joe black






it's 1:52 PM now

May 12, 2007
the holiday

i was alone and bored last week here in my pad, so i decided to rent some movies at video city. i took 5 movies, the naked mile, honey, ever after, the holiday and you, me and dupree. as far as i can remember, the first that i watched that night was the naked mile then you, me and dupree. the next morning i watched honey then the holiday. i adore the last so much! it was great. something different.

amanda (cameron diaz) and iris (kate winslet) were two ladies of different lifestyle. amanda, an owner of one of Hollywood's advertising companies, worked and lived in Los Angeles and iris is a journalist residing in Surrey, England both have something in common, problem with men. Iris is pined with her ex-boyfriend Ethan, who just got engaged and Amanda having caught his boyfriend cheating on her decided to take a vacation for the holiday. They came across a website which offered temporary exhange of homes (basically everything they owned) and decided to go for it in order to forget their heart problems. amanda starts to fall for Graham (jude law), Iris's older brother while Iris and Miles (jack black), a movie song composer starts to have an affair. through this, they have found new love and have changed their lives forever.

source: http://www.trailerdownload.net/posters/Holiday,_The/1815

"I have another scenario for you - I'm in love with you. I apologize for the blunt delivery, but as problematic as this fact may be, I'm in love... with YOU. I'm not feeling this because you're leaving, and not because it feels good to feel this way... which, by the way, it does, or did before you went off like that. I can't figure out the mathematics of this, I just know I love you. I can't believe how many times I'm saying it! And I never thought I'd feel this way again, so that's pretty phenomenal. And I realize that I come as a package deal: 3 for the price of 1. I know my package, perhaps in the light of day, isn't all that wonderful, but I finally know what I want and that, in itself, is a miracle. And what I want is YOU." - Graham

source: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0457939/quotes

we never really know the ways of love. it's magical and powerful because though you feel like giving up, love will still find it's way to you. i will life you up and bring you new light, new life. it will complete you. sometimes you cannot define the reason behind, but you just know that you can't see any reason not to love.


it's 8:30 PM now

girlfriends, sit and talk

i can sit for hours with my friends talking so much about things. the truth is, im really amazed because no matter how long we sit together, we never ran out of things to talk about. no matter how long we don't see each other, there's this certain connection that keeps the friendship alive and going.

my precious jewels:

gianelli albores, 18
medical technologist, ust

i met gian in 203 of st. raymund's building during our first day in college. she was the former president of 2jrn2. she was a native of cotabato (down south, mindanao!) and i was an arabian, *laughs* well because basically i grew up in riyadh . this was something we both had in common, our first time to live alone in manila.honestly i was really aloof and nervous, i don't know anyone. i dared not to speak at all. i was afraid. then i saw gian talking to a lot already, and i got kind of down 'cause i don't have anyone to talk to yet. but then as time passed by there was something between me and her that brought us together. we were the "bouncers" in class or known as "partners in crime". we only had each other. we depended on each other. she sleeps at my place most of the time, we always go out and have fun. having each other made our first year in manila kind of bouncy yet twisted, fun and crazy. last summer she decided to shift to medical technology and good thing was, she got accepted. not having paul in class, was kind of difficult for me. the more not having gian beside me all day made it even harder. but i got used to it, and it turned out well. nothing changed between us. we even got closer. she always stay with me at my pad or sometimes we spend the whole afternoon til sunset at colayco. there's this certain factor in our life that connects us. we have the same lifestyle, well not exactly but it's just really great knowing that you don't have to explain everything in order for her to understand the situation. she totally gets it.

pia gonzalez, 18
nursing, feu morayta

pia is the baby girl among my jewels. pia is always on the go. down to earth and bouncy young lady. but deep inside there's this child who still cries her emptiness. pia is a very strong person, something that she has in common with kaye. what i love about this person is that she never really forgets. she's always been there even after we transfered places. there's still this special place within us.

kaye ramos, 18 -hubby-
tourism, dlsu-dasma

kaye...kaye...kaye. khaye and i had gone through a lot. our paths crossed when i transferred to MIS last june 2002, during our second year in highschool. we weren't really that close at first, there was even rivalry between me and maryjo. well in the long run, my bond with kaye lasted,
and im proud of it. i can see a bit of myself in kaye, not physically because we're the total opposites, i was petite and morena kaye was TALL and has lighter skin tone. one funny thing about us, is that we both are misunderstood about being straight forward by people. i am blunt with my thoughts and opinions, as well as kaye. we are not afraid of saying the truth. there is something that i have with kaye that i cannot build up with anyone else, it's when we look at each other and then *light bulb on* we get the message from each other without saying a word. we can sit for hours, talking about CRAAAAAZY, out of this world matters. we love to laugh about anything. but when one of us cry, it's something different. we both feel the pain. we both have the same dreams and hopes in life. most of the time, same things happen to us, especially about "boys"! *giggles* i love our chemistry, it's wild but refined, crazy but smart, real and alive. i feel that a part of me is in her. whenever we're both down, we just do anything that makes us feel good and whatever it is, we get along well.

dana delgado, 19
creative writing, up diliman

dana is truly unique, well everyone is. there's something about dana that will just blow me off. she's got this "hirit" that would make me smile then laugh hard. we weren't able to hang out a lot in highschool but when college started, dana and i got time to bond. our comfort zone, sm north and greenhills, haha! we have something we call, adventures of dana and miller. whenever we are together, there's always an adventure, something comes up and we always deal with it in the kengkoy way. dana and i, totally different from each other, but at some point our world meet. i am a total freak and psycho whenever i'm with her. there's this line we always say whenever we part ways, "sige wag mo na munang bayaran para may rason pa tayo para magkita." that is absolutely weird. we both find time to hang out despite our busy college life.

phoebe alejo
, 18 -tween-
applied physics, up lb

phoebe has this special thing about her that i truly admire. she has this firm standpoint in her life. this young lady is very smart. she loves to laugh. she's my tween. we got so close in highschool that we were inseparable. we'd pass notes, have sleep overs and groups study's (lol!) we'd go chatroom-hopping. talk about boys and girl stuff. we were bullies, along with kaye and nice. it's totally crazy. she's always there, she is someone you can count on. a person who never changed. one fact about us: we can eat a whole roast chicken together, or sometimes each one of us have our own. we both love eating. haha. when it comes to shopping way back in riyadh, we always get almost the same clothes from jennyfer, cause our sizes belongs there. haha


des budomo, 19 -bi-
geologist, up diliman

my soul mate? that's lourdes anne budomo. ive known this person almost all my life. well, you know how childhood buddies go. they used to take a bath together, dress the same, do same things at the same time. talked about anything under the sun. both of you know every single detail about each other. if there would be someone who'd really scold me, it would be her or kaye. but not both of them together, because ill get fucked up, i swear. once in our life, we had a gap and i never had regrets on that. it was my fault. and at first it was difficult to win tita's trust but i guess He has ways of building a stronger relationship. des is truly amazing. of all my friends, she is the most blunt person! she calls me bitch, in a sweet not rude way. that's how she loves me. we're of the total opposite. i love dressing up, i can be girlie, boyish or sporty. des is always des. i can't even make her wear a skirt! i eat a lot, and everything i eat goes straight to her stomach, i have this black hole that connects to her intestine, lol! i love this person so much. we've both seen each other grow and overcome life's challenges. one thing for sure. we've never left each other...there's no letting go.


it's 5:16 PM now

May 5, 2007
magnet

i can feel myself falling apart. i'm on the verge of breaking into millions of pieces. but knowing you are there, i can still go on.

but when i didn't have you on one certain moment of my life., everything was dark, or maybe black and white. i couldn't breath. i couldn't close my eyes to sleep. i felt so empty and helpless. the cells inside my body were colliding in anger, agony and confusion. one thing was in my mind, nothing else is right.

i know how important you are in my life. as long as i know you're there everything will turn out right. i just know. i can still go on fighting. i can still see myself as that warrior princess. you're that person behind me, who keeps me so alive right now. you pull everything back together.

i just don't know why i feel so strong for us, for this love. it's so unusual, so special.


it's 12:04 AM now

May 4, 2007
conopio-ramos: twisted fun crazy chemistry

maria katerina rangel ramos, is the only person who makes me feel so comfortable anywhere any time. i swear.

there's this connection by just simply looking at each other
that makes everything so fun. i can still remember back in highschool during classes. we just look at each other, whether we smile or not. we got the message. then we just laugh. honestly, i tried making this connection to some of my friends in college. i really failed. so that simply means, i just have that with her.

we get to have such straight forward conversations. no filter at all. it's almost perfect.

i miss this "crazy-chemistry-wild-outbursts" that kaye and i share.

during senior year i think while physics class
mille: (whispers) hubby, nauutot ako.
kaye: oh?
mille: oo eh...
kaye: subukan mo uupakan kita.
mille: o sige ha. (umutot na)

i was fixing kaye's blog template...
babyAdidas: wat else do u hate?
khaye ramos: ung rats pag ung smal na white ok lang
khaye ramos: pag ung maliki yuckers
khaye ramos: yes...
babyAdidas: ipis?
babyAdidas: ano pa?
khaye ramos: opo
babyAdidas: nu pa?
khaye ramos: uhm...
khaye ramos: mga hipo
khaye ramos: mga plastic yan huh
babyAdidas: ah...
babyAdidas: akala ko hippopotamus!
khaye ramos: hahaha!

at philippine embassy after a program, kaye and i met amir, shan and the gang...
kaye: angel! halika nga, may papakilala ako sau, dali!
mille: e, yoko, dyahe!
kaye: dali! please, nahihiya ako mag-isa.
mille: ito nanaman tayo e, where ba?
kaye: there! let's go, and gusto ka makilala. hinahanap ka
mille: ok sige.
kaye: (introduced me to the gang) this is andrea, my bestfriend. that's shan, amir,...blah,blah,blah (i forgot the names)
the gang: hi andrea!
mille: hey...hi!
kaye: (whispers) crush ko yung matangkad na naka-white polo, si amir. hot! yan yung naghahanap sayo.
mille: (to kaye) ok na, i met them na. (to the gang) so how you all doing? why are you here?
shan: we wanted to see you coz kaye told us you were coming here.
kaye: (whisper) cute ni amir oh!
mille: hubby! anyway, all of you are still in highschool or college?
amir: college next year in new york. how bout you?
kaye: wala, ayan na. lahat ng magugustuhan ko, sa'yo nagkakagusto. kainis ka tlaga!
mille: nde naman eh! and besides hindi ko siya type naman.

at the unit, going out to sm north to meet our highschool friends. i was asking kaye which to wear...short, skirt or a pair of pants.
mille: hubby, which? (shows the three) i think i want to wear shorts, ang init kaya!
kaye: tingin nga.
mille: (hands them to kaye)
kaye: pants ka na, talo nanaman ako sa'yo e. sa'yo nanaman attention.
mille: oi mas matangkad ka sakin! mas maganda legs mo, haba e. akin kulang.
kaye: may pwet ka naman. talong talo na ako.

*sigh* "hay naku...",

trademark naming dalawa. which started new year's eve of 2002, telebabad blues while waiting for the sun to rise.

(...to be continued. naduduling na ako! i love you hubby!)



it's 11:18 PM now

May 1, 2007
I believe, Yolanda Adams (Honey OST)

I believe, Yolanda Adams (Honey OST)

They said you wouldn't make is so far uh uh
And ever since they said it, it's been hard
But nevermind the nights you had to cry
Cause you have never let it go inside
You worked real hard
And you know exactly what you want and need
So believe and you can never give up
You can reach your goals
Just talk to your soul and say…

(Chorus:)
I believe I can (I can)
I believe I will (I will)
I believe I know my dreams are real (know my dreams are real)
I believe I'll chant (Oh yea)
I believe I'll dance
I believe I'll grow real soon and (That's why)
That is what I do believe

Your goals are just a thing in your soul uh uh
And you know that your moves will let them show
You keep creating pictures in your mind
So just believe they will come true in time
It will be fine
Leave all of your cares and stress behind
Just let it go
Let the music flow inside
Forget all your pain
And just start to believe

(Chorus:)
I believe I can (I believe I can oh yea)
I believe I will
I believe I know my dreams are real (All of my dreams are real)
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and (ooo)
That is what I do believe
Whoa oa oa YEA…

(Music break)

Nevermind what people say
Hold your head high and turn away
With all our hopes and dreams
I will believe
Even though it seems it's not for me
I won't give up I'll keep it up
Look into the sky
I will achieve all my needs
I will always believe….OoOo

(Chorus 2x)
I believe I can
I believe I will (I can)
I believe I know my dreams are real (I got strength)
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and (watch me watch me watch me)
That is what I do believe (I do believe in me)

I believe I can
I believe I will (oh yea)
I believe I know my dreams are real
I believe I'll chant
I believe I'll dance (I gotta dance)
I believe I'll grow real soon and
That is what I do believe (I do believe!)


it's 4:25 PM now